Yesterday I let out some of my pent up feelings at my partner. He did not deserve it whatsoever but afterwards he was able to coax out what was really behind my outburst. It was because I have been unable to go out and run due to injuring my knee (TLDR below).

I have had a couple of running buddies in the past who have had to stop due to various reasons. I’m one of those people who can’t just go out running by myself as I need the pressure of someone else to keep me honest otherwise I’ll just put it off due to ‘reasons’. I joined my current running buddy (henceforth referred to as RB) when I started kilojoule counting as we both wanted to lose some weight and it was going really well. We had just transitioned from a 5km route to a 7km route and were working up to adding in a hill to our run when COVID-19 struck and we had to stay home. During this time my partner and I went for daily walks (either to the supermarket or into the hills behind our flat), I kept kilojoule counting and lost a little condition during that forced break. However RB worked from home, gamed from home, had food delivered to home and gained weight so that the condition that he lost was greater. When we were able to start up our routine again the distance, pace and number of breaks were affected.

That was fine, although it would take a few weeks we could catch up to where we were and then push on through to the hill!

Nope.

After a couple of months we were still on the 5km route, and while the pace and rest breaks had been improving, it was nowhere near where we had been pre-lockdown. RB admitted that he had not been putting in as much effort as he had other things on his plate so it was not a priority, so I decided that I needed to up my ante during the run I did to get to RB’s flat to compensate. My twice-weekly routine had been a 10 minute warmup run to RB’s flat followed by 30 minutes running together (with breaks) and then the run back to my flat. Instead I began to run the whole route without stopping to get to RB’s flat. Then I added in a third run along the same route by myself, and that is where I overdid it. On a midweek run I must have jarred my knee because I noticed an ache in it at the top of my tibia right on the run back from RB’s flat after doing our regular route. Then when I did my end-of-week run (the extra one) I felt the pain again near the end of the route, but this time it was more persistent so I stopped and had to walk the rest of the way home. I called off our next scheduled run as I wanted to rest my knee for a couple of days so the next run was our regular midweek run. The pain began only after about 2km. I hadn’t even reached RB’s place and was going to be late if I walked so I pushed on through the pain and it began to spread from my knee, down my shin and set my ankle aching too. I made it to RB’s but had to excuse myself as I was in no condition to run and limped back home to put some frozen peas on my knee.

The next day I found walking down stairs hurt and my knee looked a little swollen so I got a bit of pressure bandage from when I had rolled my ankle and put that on, hoping it would provide a bit more support. When my knee didn’t improve I booked an appointment to see my physiotherapist and they told me I had pulled one of the tendons attached to my patella, gave me some exercises to do daily and said that I could still go running but with more parameters about when to stop. Luckily, she said, it was an injury that responded well to treatment and should come right given time.

Since then I have only been able to run for about 10-15 minutes before the ache sets in and I need to stop. I caused the injury to myself because I increased both my distance and my pace too quickly, and, according to my physiotherapist (NZ’s healthcare system is great!), tendons don’t like changes.

TLDR: annoyed at my running buddy, I increased my distance too quickly and pulled a knee tendon.

So, how does that relate to my mood? Well, exercise releases endorphins; hormones which improve mood and promote sleep, so you can probably see a link there. And, ironically, running gave me time to slow down and have time to myself to think and process what had happened during the day/week. I no longer listen to music or audiobooks while running so in the time before and after I meet up with RB I just let my mind go wherever it needed to which was probably ‘mindfulness’. Without this time to clear my head and boost my mood it was only a matter of time until this emotion was released in another form.

However, after letting out those negative feelings to my partner he was able to coax out the true cause of how I had been feeling (inadequate since I cannot do what I was once able to) and this led to a deeper discussion of the stressors in our lives at the moment and how we could address them. Don’t get me wrong, I feel guilty when I have an outburst and its not great being on the receiving end either, but we support each other. I am grateful to have him in my life, and, as a result of him having damaged a tendon himself when he was younger, he will keep me from pushing myself and hurting myself again by letting me know that its ok to slow down for a while.